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Up. Down. Up. Down. Ups fine. Ups great. But down. Down awful. Bed bound. So sleepy. Crave junk. Crave death. My meds. So many. So simple. Just swallow. But Jay. But Mom. But Kate. A mommy in bed beats a mommy who’s dead. Down long. Weeks. Months. Years. Then up. No sleep. Talk. Talk. Talk. Write. Write. Write. Gym. Sex. Laugh. Shop. Now down. Fuck. This. Disease. Crave balance. 

Danielle Huggins lives in New Jersey and has been published in The Washington Post, Mutha Magazine, and GO Magazine. She has been featured on the Writing Class Radio podcast four times and is working on a memoir. She loves to box and watch her hometown football team, the Pittsburgh Steelers. Her TikTok channel is @bipolardanielle and her Facebook page is My Life as a Bipolar Mom.

This essay is a Short Reads original.